How to Make Gay Friends and Meet babes: the best help guide to Effective Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

How to Make Gay Friends and Meet babes: the best help guide to Effective Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all have some problems satisfying gay men and women. We understand this because as long as we’ve had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking all of us how to make queer friends/meet ladies. We’ve
responded you, sporadically

But seemingly maybe not occasionally adequate:

Although Laneia is actually sure she is the only real lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is simply not so, some body please straight back myself upwards inside statements), most of us here on Team Autostraddle have a comparatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or at least it appears that method whenever we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally lucky for this so we have now chose to get the troops and answer comprehensively the question “how perform I meet additional queers?” for good.

First Of All:

+ If you’re looking for a response to the concern “how do you hit on chicks?”, there is articles for that:

How-to Choose Girls


+ Asking yourself “How can I date a chick?” We’ve articles regarding:

10 Simple Rules For Effectively Courting a lesbian curious


+ Curious about the way to get a woman to fall asleep more than? Coincidentally, we’ve got articles for the, also:

8 measures Every female Can Take getting a lady to fall asleep Over


+ Interested in revealing a unique treat with your unique brand-new friend/’special’ pal?

Top 10 Snacks


Isn’t it time? Let’s begin.



: Purchase A JOB! No really. Go get a career. It does not even have is
a gay work
. Though I had those. Jobs in the Straight globe commonly teeming with undercover gays. If you notice a printer jam, hold off approx 2 moments and the majority of likely a gay woman will arrive to correct. In my experience, routine ol’ jobs tend to be top locations to generally meet additional homosexual ladies, whether for friendsies, FWB, or potential lover content. If there are slimmer pickins’ at the work, every healthier.

Complement a Femme

: Hang out where your pals function, if relevant. Somebody I’m sure only fulfilled a pretty thing to nibble on this way lately.


: If
your own co-workers understand that you are a homogay
, they very nearly undoubtedly attempt to expose you to or set you right up with the homosexual cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I’ve met a great deal of my personal queer buddies at
. Gay ladies tend to be rather dedicated to promoting their unique regional homosexual performers, so go have a look at a couple of shows. When your area provides an all-female band after that that is a good place to begin, their own shows will probably be full of potential queer pals. I always believe it is easiest to manufacture friends together with the artists by themselves because you curently have reasons to hit upwards a discussion using them: to share with all of them you loved their unique program. Question them whenever they’re playing subsequent, and go to that one also. Merely keep appearing.

Join any Club/Team Which Will

Maybe you’ve as a part

Intern Hot Laura


Are you experiencing a

bike co-op

in your city? I guess you are doing, and I bet you can find a number of lovely women playing around with bike fat to their noses. Even although you do not satisfy anyone, you are able to learn how to create a cycle and that is similar to holding around a much lighter in case a lovely girl asks for lighting just better as you arrive at appear their their unique relief and correct their damaged tire.


: Join a

book club


composing team


DIY photography workshop

– actually, DIY any such thing would work.


Go directly to the

roller derby

Most of the queer girls are at the roller derby. Every one of them. Roller derby is actually wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve experienced many women hit right up brand new friendships while watching a casino game. It really is quite easy to do since if there’s one thing that roller derby fans love, it is discussing their own understanding of the online game with beginners. Anytime absolutely a team in your city, get see them play. Saddle upwards beside a team of attractive women into the suicide seating (in which all of the really serious fans sit) and have these to give an explanation for policies for you. In my opinion you are going to make some brand-new buddies immediately.


We’ve cited cyberspace many times once the best way meet up with some other gays. Clearly this is basically the internet, therefore we’re biased, but we have now located nearly all of our friends right here, or via Riese’s past blogs (that is where a lot of group arises from — visitors of her web log plus the buddies she came across through those people, etc).
We listen to OKCupid is something
, additionally.

Intern Emily


Get a hold of some body on autostraddle who lives towards you. Let them have the e-mail. Try for a walk. Walks tend to be free.


: It could be different now, but back when I happened to be a baby (23) we taken care of immediately an advertisement on craigslist w4w by a female just who stated she had been bi, went to Columbia, played football, enjoyed ‘420′ and needed additional bi girls to visit away with and start to become pals and brave the terrifying queer world together. The very first time we met it was absurdly uncomfortable nonetheless it got increasingly better right to “more comfortable than I am with anyone, truly.” We have been through a bunch collectively — so many life stages! — and we’re nonetheless pals today, and it is through her intrepid online friend-gathering that I came across Lainy, exactly who came across my personal
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster and welcomed their to something I found myself also at, and is the way I found Haviland. So! The point of this might be:
craigslist could possibly be something
? The secret to it getting non-intimidating was that people both earnestly desired brand-new buddies, yannow?


: Find a queer lady exactly who writes a blog site with plenty of thoughts and deliver the woman emails about your thoughts. Read publications. Whenever the queer woman with a blog begins an internet mag, assist this lady. Accost individuals on gchat. After queer lady with a blog features parties and presents you to definitely her friends, end up being very nice in their eyes and state situations with your mouth area and sight. If a person ones is particularly neat, write them a contact and stay their buddy. End up being really sincere and just take plenty of anti-anxiety treatment. Aren’t getting an alternative solution lifestyle haircut until you genuinely wish to. Get one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Start a blog
. Write in it for just two years. Get a 3-day hiatus then require folks in your own urban area to email you.


Start a blog
right after which
create a web page
after which employ people to be your buddies for free.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” within craigslist post as well as the women may come a-runnin’, with lots of homosexual friends of their own in tow. You kill like 40 birds with one material might hear Tegan & Sara

all the time


In A Ladies’ Studies/Gender Reports Course

You should check around this directory site of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at colleges throughout the country! You also should take part in course. Girls which participate are hottest.



Women’s researches classes are a fantastic place to fulfill ladies: everyone’s virtually a feminist already so you’re able to have brainsexy talks, which are perfect for continuing in bars after course. See yourself with those hot profs, though.

At your LGBT Campus Group in College or highschool

This is certainly Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group


: In college, before I became extremely out or highly identified, we began nervously attending many events held by all of our class’s LGBT workplace. Fast forward a year and I ended up being working on-campus queer courses every week, and I also’d scored a massive posse of enthusiastic forward-thinking activist gays, exactly like that! Before I worked for our very own LGBT company I thought awesome bashful at queer events, therefore if your own college has an energetic LGBT company, considering registering or using and dive right in. The LGBT company turned into an additional home, that was an excellent option for between-class naps and conference hotties, needless to say.

Intern Emily

: Go to your school’s queer nightclub. It’ll be shameful. You may embark on a lunch day with a lovely lady exactly who delivers the woman girlfriend. You might make some friends though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Obviously this is often a scary scenario, but lots of getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs don’t occur with one initial shameful go to. You need to go back. And get back. And get back. And ultimately you should have no choice but to feel comfy here, because it’s a location you are going plenty. After that perhaps you will talk to strangers or get 25 individuals to hug you for your 25th birthday celebration. It really is anything, you can keep rating in your arm with a pen. If you’re in new york,
GO mag comes with the most detailed, up to date bar/event directories

Intern Emily

: check-out a gay club. Get really inebriated and speak to everyone else.


When you’re within gay club or lesbian night, you can expect to imagine thoughts like ‘nobody here would like to speak to me’ or ‘everyone right here features a girl’ or ‘why are lesbians very intimidating’ therefore have to reduce all of those feelings and include all of them with an innovative new feeling which new experience is actually ‘whatis the worst thing that can happen, I’ll get denied?’ and I LEARN I AM AWARE I KNOW that appears petrifying, as if getting denied may be the worst thing that may actually ever occur as a person existence. But it is really maybe not — your own self-confidence is sexier than your outfit is ever going to be, and ladies are very unusual and have many issues/reasons to possibly decline you that you can’t just take any one getting rejected directly. Only make visual communication. Say hi. It generally does not have to be sexual. Picture yourself in her own shoes and think about how you’d desire her to address you.


: you shouldn’t be a scaredy-cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In fact, this is the way We found my partner 5.68 years ago.

Some General Recommendations


Sarah Croce

: I was previously timid. My solution? Develop some. Determine what rocks ! about you and confidently strike upwards talks with haphazard men and women. They don’t really have to be gay. Quite often you will find the majority of ladies tend to be bi, or interested, or have homosexual buddies. Straight everyone loves to inform you they’ve gay buddies and additionally they usually think you will want to attach together with them like there is some type of gay drought plus purchase to succeed and conserve the lesbian battle most of us need certainly to mate feverishly. It is like they don’t understand we can not procreate. In addition they always ask just how lesbians have intercourse.


Start Modest, Build a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: Create your own Lesbian Posse. You only require 1 or 2 additional homosexual pals to start out – tell them to invite a few other queers they understand (without having another gay buddies – they actually do!) and plan small events for yourselves like meal at a condo, movie evening, bowling night, ski/hiking tour, etc. allow it to be a regular thing so that you always have something you should look ahead to so when the weeks go by the lesbian cellphone forest increases longer and lengthier and after a few months you should have your very own Lesbian Posse.


End Up Being Brave:

Intern Emily

: regrettably, satisfying new people implies you have to be fearless and approach all of them and speak to them in order to find points to mention and spend a lot of the time obsessing regarding what to wear, etc. It’s lots of personal anxiety therefore might want to take some supplements regarding, but additionally, you think excellent after.


End up being Old-Fashioned and Project Away From The Safe Place:


: Get outside your rut. We listen to quite a few ladies moaning precisely how it is yet people, the exact same girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a regional urban area, just take that train underwater, bike it, bus it, but don’t expect you’ll satisfy new, interesting girls by-doing alike crap which includesn’t struggled to obtain at this point.

Additionally, end up being old-fashioned. Imagine there isn’t any internet please remember just what it’s like to be courteous and grateful and genuine IRL, and increase genuine invitations and cultivate real enduring relationships. It’s easy for points to fall through cracks with internet-based associations; they need to be nurtured for reals. Getting antique reminds people a little of what must be done to steadfastly keep up the sorts of relationships that people want!


Gays tend to be Everywhere:


: keep in mind in

The Wizard of Oz

where Dorothy finds out that what she wanted was a student in her backyard/home/heart the entire time? You happen to be a gay individual, therefore want to perform things/go locations. Chances are various other homosexual men and women additionally enjoy these things/places and are generally probably already there! Go searching the job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely you’ll find queer individuals truth be told there. Like really, if there are many more than 10 people in the building its mathematically totally possible that might be somebody else there who is additionally an enormous gaymo. You just have to end up being daring and communicate with men and women and not be bashful about becoming gay your self; they will certainly probably be really relieved and react in sort.


Before you go!

It prices cash which will make indie queer news, and frankly, we want even more people to thrive 2023

As many thanks for VIRTUALLY maintaining united states alive, A+ members access added bonus content, added Saturday puzzles, and a lot more!

Would you join?

Terminate any time.

Join A+!